We Have Such Sequels To Show You!

Some couples dress alike. Others watch the same horror franchise top to bottom regardless of how bad the sequels get. Brenna and I belong, apparently, in the latter group. Our discussion of the third Hellraiser film sparked an interest in seeing the whole series through, for better or for worse. Despite largely agreeing with her analysis of the films, I felt like offering up my own opinion just for...well...the hell of it.

Anywho, just as scholars of classical music have divided the works of the old Ludwig van into early, middle and late periods, so will I apply a similar categorical approach to the Hellraiser films based on the role that Pinhead plays, despite the fact that the only consistent element in all 8 movies is actor Doug Bradley (and also that the V-VIII are direct-to-video low budget horror films rather than transcendent works of art for all the ages, but I digress).

The Early Period (Hellraiser and Hellbound: Hellraiser II)

These films are the strongest in the series due to the fact that the Pinhead and his cronies are simply shown to be "explorers in the further regions of experience" rather than vengeful ghosts or people who had crappy childhoods that for some reason led to them putting on masks and stabbing topless teenage girls. In keeping with the idea that the Cenobites are "demons to some, angels to others," Pinhead and co are largely indifferent to the concepts of good and evil and thus the Lament Configuration serves as a kind of metaphor for absolute freedom (in the Nietzscheian sense...well at least from I read on his Wikipedia page...I should probably double check with my little brother), human curiosity and hedonism, with a healthy dose of sadomasochism thrown in for good measure.

Whereas lesser horror films of the time *cough*Friday the 13th sucked, even the original*cough* presented us with pornographically violent morality plays, the early Hellraiser films concerned themselves with the hidden, dark desires lurking inside of otherwise normal people. Unfortunately, the second film introduces the concept of people being turned (rather quickly,I might add) into Cenobites, which opens the door to a bunch of preposterous twists later in the series.

The Middle Period (Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth and Hellraiser: Bloodline)

The third and fourth installments of the series distinguish themselves by casting Pinhead as a more straight-up agent of evil and having a somewhat goofier tone (Hellraiser....IN SPACE!) overall. While not as interesting as the first two films, they are largely enjoyable to watch. Here are some pros and cons of the films from this period:

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth
Pros: Terry Farrell (aka Jadzia Dax from Deep Space Nine) is the main character, Pinhead ruins a ridiculous amount of people, Armored Saint feature prominently in the film, a music video of Lemmy von Motörhead playing poker against Pinhead was made

Cons: New Cenobites suck (upon cornering our heroine they kick her in the shins and burn her with a cigarette...pretty weak seeing as we just saw 200+ people get torn apart with hooks), Pinhead chases Terry Farrel for like 30 minutes and succeeds in blowing up everything *except* her (leading to many "WTF?"s yelled at the screen)

Hellraiser: Bloodline
Pros: In space, fat guy who follows hot demon chick to the basement is probably the best character ever ("You're a dream!")

Cons: In space, finding out so much about the origin of the box kills some of the mystique, directed by Alan Smithee.

The Late Period (Hellraiser: Inferno through Hellraiser: Hellworld)

This is where things get messy and the films get released direct to video. All of these movies feature Pinhead for about 10 minutes tops and he spends most of his time wagging his finger at the characters and essentially playing the part of the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come...although then again the Ghost of Christmas Yet To Come generally doesn't tear people apart with hooks, but that's a minor detail.

Anyway, all of these films suffer from way too many dream sequences and hallucinations, which get old quick and take the scare value out of the scenes since you eventually just assume that anytime something horrific happens, it's not real. These films also have too many quick cuts and plot twists and not nearly enough story or character development, which leaves us with movies three times more fractured than Momento with none of the pay off. The only one of the bunch that I found enjoyable was Hellraiser: Hellworld and even that was purely for the cheese factor and the fact that Lance Henriksen was in it.

So, in order from most to least enjoyable:

1. Hellraiser
2. Hellbound: Hellraiser II
3. A tie between Hellraiser III and Hellraiser IV: Bloodline
4. Hellraiser VIII: Hellworld
5. Hellraiser VI: Hellseeker (only because of Kirsty, though she wasn't in it enough)
6. Hellraiser VII: Deader
7. Hellraiser V: Inferno

Anyhow, I've already spent wayyy too much time writing this instead of doing something productive, so I'd better get to that.